Today we want to bring your attention to a new kind of attack that’s happening around the world next week. Reports are coming in that a criminal organization has taken possession of an aerial vehicle capable of landing on suburban rooftops.
Once landed, a criminal wearing gang colors of predominantly red and white enters the home through non-standard methods, such as making entry through the chimney. Most victims seem to remain sleeping during the attack, but afterwards report that unknown boxes were placed near household plants. Additionally, clothing items left in the room may also be filled with unknown objects.
Various myths and legends will dictate that leaving out “milk and cookies” will somehow hasten the attack. However it’s been our experience that certain alcoholic beverages, such as bourbon or craft beer, have a much better result. Whatever you choose, be sure to remain vigilant against this coordinated aerial intrusion.