Cop Humor: Chompers and the Missing Teeth - ITS Tactical

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Cop Humor: Chompers and the Missing Teeth

By Eric S.

We’re starting a new series today on ITS Tactical where I’ll be sharing some funny stories from the mean streets of Florida. These will be short stories that I either thought were comical, or dispatched calls that will make you scratch your head.

The first one is a call I was dispatched to several years ago…


The call came in as follows:

“Boyfriend has her teeth and wont give them back. He’s walking to the store, but should be back when Deputies arrive.”

So I show up with my sector partner and we find our complainant is indeed missing her teeth (dentures).   She had an argument with her boyfriend and he took her teeth with him when he went for a walk. It turned out  her boyfriend bought her the teeth and was still making payments on them, making it a simple civil matter.

I guess that was one way to keep her quiet… Only in a Florida trailer park!

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  • Daniel Garcia

    Had the same thing but in our case it was a “Synthetic Eye.”
    Yup, she was a looker too. 😉

  • Grover6

    God bless trailer parks! On Christmas eve I went to a call where a woman called in that a man had broken in to her house through the attic, but couldn’t find him anywhere in the house. Of course being 2am on Christmas the Santa jokes flew over the air. Turns out she had dreamed the whole thing. You can’t make this stuff up.

  • Jeremy

    One New Year’s Eve my partner and I got in a chase w/ a stolen car on the freeway. The susp. exited the freeway but his path ended up blocked by traffic from the arms being down at a rapid transit train crossing. He tried to go around the intersection and cut across the tracks, but the car got high centered on the rails. When he wouldn’t get out of the car on the felony stop, I had to approach the car with cover from other officers. I opened the door and yanked the guy out of the car and for a brief second I thought “Oh crap, I just ripped this guy’s leg off!” as his leg went flying. It didn’t take long to figure out that it was a prosthetic limb and his leg had been amputated mid-thigh. Guess that explains why he didn’t bail out and run.

  • Sheep.Dog

    0300 in the morning. 911 call comes out. Woman woke up, looked in the mirror, and scared herself.
    Of course the call and the actual thing is not always the same. So, heading in with the open mind theory. Make contact with the woman. She had woke up, turned on the light, and saw herself in the bedroom mirror. Got scared, called 911.
    The entire area shift went on scene just in time to see me issue one brown paper evidence bag and turn to leave. Good times, good times.

    • LOL!! Great story brother… I assume the brown paper bag was for her head, right? 🙂

  • Frippster

    A few years ago I was dispatched to a house for a domestic violence call. When I and my partner arrived at the adress we found the woman sitting in a sofa drinking beer. We asked her where her husband was but all she know was that he was outside somewhere.

    My partner continued to talk to her and I went looking for the man. After just a short walk outside I found him on a bench, drunk as a skunk. When he saw me, he tried to get up and run, but just after a few steps he fell to the ground.

    Turns out he had a prosthetic leg! The woman told us that when they had a fight he took the “leg” off and threatend to beat her with it.

    Her response was simply to get up, take all the beer with her, go outside and wait for him to put his “leg” back on. When he followed her outside, she ran to the back door, went inside, locked the doors, sat down, called the police and had a another beer! 🙂

    You don´t have to be in a trailer park for this stuff, this happend in Sweden… 🙂

  • Folkwulfe

    Domestic disputes are by far one of the most dangerous calls we in law enforcement get. 1992 (post Desert Storm) I was filling in as the MP Patrol Sup on Ft hood where ALOT of “trained killers” not only worked, but lived with their families in on-post housing. Sometime after midnight, that call came in ass a domestic fight in-progress! Oh boy…here we go. SOP had it that, unless there were physical injuries, the soldier was taken to his/her unit to spend the night until things could cool down between them. The unit the soldier belonged to would then arrange an escort and try to keep things out of our hands. Upon arrival (we were the first) we exited our vehicle and waited for backup in front of the house next door. When we saw their lights, we started our approach. Up until now, nothing was heard from the residence, but that changed real fast. There was a crash and something (turned out to be a small statue) came flying out of the glass window of the front door. The front door then flies open and out comes running a 6 foot male soldier (still in uniform) and obviously a body-builder from his physic. He runs straight to the family car in the driveway (while we yell “HALT” at him), dives into the front seat and locks himself in. Hot on his heels is a pretty good looking 5 foot something female (his wife) chasing him…..while swinging an iron by its chord!!! Before we can stop her, she smashes the windshield of their car with the iron and is quickly resetting for another go at that window and her husband. It took three of us to wrestle her to the ground and take that iron away from her. After all was done and settle down, she stayed at the quarters (with their kids) and the poor soldier went to his unit for the night. Word came back later that the unit sent two armed guards with him to get his uniforms… protect HIM from HER!!! Hell hath no fury like a soldiers wife scorned….or armed with an iron!

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