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Helping my wife


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#1 jopasmith

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Posted 13 August 2015 - 12:18 PM

Need some advice.  My wife finally agreed that our family should get a firearm for protection, she always said I could get one, but I didn't want to until she got on board 100%.  I walked her through how I store it to show her how unlikely it would be for our kids to be able to get it, chamber it, take off the safety, etc.  She feels comfortable having it in the house, but doesn't want to have anything to do with it.  I recently got my CCW and want to start carrying more, but I want to be senstive to her discomfort.  What are some ways I can break my wife in to the idea of owning a gun, using it safely and resposibly, but still having it accessible if worse come to worse?



#2 AaronK

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Posted 13 August 2015 - 01:19 PM

Have you tried taking her shooting? A lot of gun wary wives have been turned into gun lovers by a simple trip to the range.
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#3 pira114

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Posted 13 August 2015 - 01:21 PM

You could try talking her into going out shooting with you. She really should know how it operates just in case.

But the goal here would be for her to have fun with it. If she starts having fun with it, she's more likely to want to go again. She just needs trigger time to really get comfortable with a firearm.

I wouldn't expect miracles. Some people just never get into it.


Edit: AaronK was faster on the keyboard than me. Ha

Edited by pira114, 13 August 2015 - 01:22 PM.

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#4 HTEngineer

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Posted 13 August 2015 - 02:53 PM

Yeah, and .22 LR is your friend (if you can find it!) for her first (few maybe!) time(s) out. I've met a lot of women who shoot a center fire handgun for their first and last time shooting. I have a friend who took his wife shooting, liked the 22 hated the 9mm, and was to happy with him having a gun. She started working and seeing the world, and low and below she wanted to learn how to use the Glock. As far as "break my wife in to the idea of owning a gun, using it safely and responsibly, but still having it accessible if worse come to worse?" Good luck. Seriously, I'm still working on trying to get my fiancee on board with carrying and I've been at this for 2 years. I know she's probably never going to carry a gun, but if I can get her trained up on the AR in case someone breaks in someday I'll be content. Even if she has herself and maybe the kids (someday) behind the bed with the AR pointed at the door, that's a plus in my book. Rifles/carbines are generally easier to shoot than pistols, less recoil, better sights, better stopping power and might be a thought. She's 100 lbs, so the AR15 is as high as I'd go. Gunvault for the daily carry/HD handgun right now, goes with me in the car when I leave, its there at night if I need it. Once we move I'll probably put in something like one of the AMSEC under bed RSC drawers for an AR, Plate Armor, spare mags, etc. so that's always there for her if she ever needs it. Even a 15-22 would mess up someone's day if she dumped a mag into them, and lots of men and women love shooting 15-22's, 10/22, etc.

 

In my case she's just not someone who wants to think about that possibility. She's OK with me carrying and knows I'm responsible. I would say put the emphasis on that. Safety first, Always. With kids, if you haven't already, lock it up in something decent, do a little internet research. I don't know about the rest of you, but when I was a kid, curious was an understatement. I know this board isn't a mall ninja paradise like some others, which is nice. I also don't talk about the "end of the world", my "disaster plan", how "I wish a MF would", or glamorize carrying a gun. I do point out the logical facilities of the anti-gun crowd, acknowledge their (extremely few) valid points, and address their concerns. Most people grow up today bombarded with the media propaganda about how the police are evil, but you should call them to protect you, and they will totally get there on time, but if they don't that just proves they're evil, but only if they had a political hot button reason to leave you to die. Above all they're told: don't ever pick up a gun in self defense because they're more likely to kill you (Especially a .25 caliber Checkov), they just "go off for like no reason".  :cool: 

 

In my limited experience some people don't like the idea of having to do that, just like CPR. Learning about a subject makes it real, and then you have to deal with the possibility of it happening. I read recently someone said to the effect: having a gun is like having a parachute in an airplane, if you need it, it is the only thing that will do. I stress that neither of us wants to bury the other, the police (despite their best efforts, and seriously, thank you all!) may not get there in time. I especially don't want to bury my wife and especially if we have kids. Would your wife die to protect your kids? I would argue she should kill to protect them too, that way they don't have to grow up without a mom, if they survive. Stuff happens in the world, but in your own house you have more control. IMO The key is to slowly expose her to the reality of the situation, at least that seems to kind of be working. Do you do fire drills? Maybe do a home invasion/burglary drill after you've taken her shooting a couple times. Nothing like "lets clear the house", but "lets grab the kids and find a place we can strongpoint while we wait for the police", let them loot the house, can't replace people.


Edited by HTEngineer, 13 August 2015 - 02:56 PM.

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#5 mackguy

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Posted 13 August 2015 - 08:28 PM

Glad to see I'm not the only one here!

I grew up with guns, my wife grew up "anti-guns", and though she trusts me and seems to be OK with the idea of me carrying, but still not crazy that we have guns in the house at all.  

 

I keep trying to bring up going shooting, but haven't had any luck... 


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#6 jopasmith

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Posted 14 August 2015 - 06:45 AM

That's the boat I'm in. I'm not sure I'll ever convince her to go shooting with me, but I'm grateful she's at least open to me having one. One step at a time I guess.

#7 PSDRyan

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Posted 14 August 2015 - 03:57 PM

Get her to go shooting is all i can say. I had it easy. When i met my wife she had as many guns as I did. I was impressed.

#8 DeathwatchDoc

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Posted 14 August 2015 - 05:40 PM

"Hey Honey, you know I thought it would be really cool if we went to the range together for my birthday. I want to go and you are an important part of my life so it would mean a lot if you'd come too."


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#9 decepticon1

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Posted 14 August 2015 - 08:53 PM

Can you go to some youth events together? Perhaps if she could see that even children are quite capable of gun safety and enjoy shooting, then she might not be so fearful of it.

 

I have seen in the classes I teach that a lot of females are put off by the abruptness and loudness of the shot, most boys not so much. I know that is considered sexist, but I am just reporting what I see. If you do take her to the range, make sure she has really effective ear protection and it might not bother her as much. If you want her shooting, definitely remember that the average female has less upper body strength than the average guy. I have seen many teen girls quit not because they don't like to shoot or that they weren't good enough, but because it was so uncomfortable for them to hold the guns in the proper position for very long.



#10 B3dlam

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Posted 18 August 2015 - 07:39 AM

"Hey Honey, you know I thought it would be really cool if we went to the range together for my birthday. I want to go and you are an important part of my life so it would mean a lot if you'd come too."

Pulling out the good ole catholic guilt...

 

.22lr is a good place to start as are reactive targets think soda/pop from the cheapest 12 packs you can find.  Set them out relatively close so she can blow them up.


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#11 mackguy

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Posted 18 August 2015 - 08:11 AM

Well my wife said she might go shooting with me sometime but only "because they're in the house I feel like I should know how to use one, but I don't want it to be part of my life"  or something like that.

 

Need to break out some of my old Airsoft stuff for "basic training" and go from there. Problem with getting to the range is that we have a toddler, so it would require a babysitter.. 



#12 jopasmith

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Posted 19 August 2015 - 06:06 PM

My wife's sister really wants me to take her, my wife still isn't interested in going, I asked her again, but maybe her sister can convince her to come along. I just need to show her that they're not as scary as her parents have made them out to be.

#13 Silver Bullet

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Posted 20 August 2015 - 05:34 AM

Need some advice.  My wife finally agreed that our family should get a firearm for protection, she always said I could get one, but I didn't want to until she got on board 100%.  I walked her through how I store it to show her how unlikely it would be for our kids to be able to get it, chamber it, take off the safety, etc.  She feels comfortable having it in the house, but doesn't want to have anything to do with it.  I recently got my CCW and want to start carrying more, but I want to be senstive to her discomfort.  What are some ways I can break my wife in to the idea of owning a gun, using it safely and resposibly, but still having it accessible if worse come to worse?

 

Well, familiarization with any firearm is always a good thing; and I see that you’ve done this with your wife; but, familiarization is only going to take you about halfway to where you want (and need) to be!  

 

If your wife is ever going to be safe around guns, she will also need to know how to properly and safely handle guns.  Familiarization, in and of itself, isn’t enough!  There are two popular approaches to firearm safety:  One is to memorize firearm safety rules.  The other is to carry this memorization to the point where the memorized rules become thoroughly ingrained as INDELIBLE PERSONAL HABITS.

 

After my wife was nearly carjacked (or maybe even worse) she began pestering me to teach her how to safely carry an EDC handgun - To, in fact, open up my gun safe and give her one of the pistols!  She’s always been licensed-to-carry; but this has primarily been, ‘a legal thing’ and not much else.  One of her favorite wise guy remarks is, 'Why do I need a gun?'  'I've got you!'  (Yeah, but the night she was attacked I wasn't there!)

 

I disagreed with her; and in spite of her fear and trepidation to now go about unarmed, I wouldn’t give her a pistol.  Not that she can’t shoot - She grew up around firearms, and she can!  My problem with her was that she didn’t know, ‘how to live’ with a gun.  Over the years that we’ve been together she simply left all of the gun handling to me.  

 

Me?  I’m a Certified Pistol Instructor who’s spent a whole lot of time on various firing lines; and, believe me, I’ve seen it all!  In 50, some odd, years of shooting I've been grazed by bullets twice, and had to either duck other shooters’ shots, or step away from a carelessly pointed muzzle (literally) more times than I’m, anywhere near, able to recall.  

 

If any of this gives you the impression that I hold a low personal opinion of the general public’s ability to handle firearms safely …… well, I do.  In my home state anybody with a clean record can walk into a gun shop, and purchase a firearm and ammunition.  The problems don’t begin until these new owners hit the firing line.  Less than half an hour of reading gun safety literature, or listening to your friend who already owns a gun is never enough!  

 

Between my wife and myself I got her to agree that if I let her start carrying a pistol she’d first have to spend 3 or 4 months in training with me, and attend regular classes.  The two guys who’d attacked her must have scared her real good because she fully agreed; and, for a fact, quickly became one of the best students I’ve ever had!  (Yes, I suppose it helped that she already knew how to shoot, and wasn’t afraid of guns.)  

 

Nevertheless, I treated her as a complete newbie - Like someone who had zero experience with firearms!  The very first thing I insisted she should do was to memorize Cooper’s, ‘Four Basic Rules Of Firearm Safety’.  I, also, made it very clear to her that simple memorization wasn’t going to be enough.  Mental acumen is fine; but what I really wanted to see was for her to adopt strong personal habits that always caused her to handle every gun she’d ever pick up in exactly the same safe way for the rest of her life!  

 

(I wouldn't allow her fire a shot until after she could repeat, verbatim, the complete text of any numbered rule I’d ask her about; and, know what?  It didn’t take more than a week for her to be able to do this; and, over the next two or three weeks those perpetual safe handling habits began to appear!)  The five gun handling safety rules (Yes, I teach five instead of only four rules.) are as follows:  

 

JEFF COOPER’S FOUR BASIC RULES OF FIREARM SAFETY  

 

1.  The gun is ALWAYS loaded!  

 

2.  Never allow the muzzle to point at - or, even, so much as sweep across - ANYTHING you are unwilling to see destroyed!  

 

3.  Never put your finger inside the trigger guard until AFTER you have made a conscious decision to fire!  

 

4.  CLEARLY identify your target, the target's backstop, and what is beyond!  

 

THE SELDOM STATED FIFTH BASIC RULE OF FIREARM SAFETY:  

 

5.  NEVER play with a gun - Never!  (This is an important gun safety rule that, unfortunately, gets broken all of the time.  Frequently, even a personal act as simple as showing a gun to a friend can be identified as, ‘playing with a gun’!)  

 

Teaching a woman how to skillfully handle, ‘large’ caliber handguns isn’t all that difficult for an experienced instructor to do.  Over the years I’ve learned how to train even the gentlest of women to skillfully handle major caliber weapons, as well as to fire revolvers in rapid double-action better than a lot of men that I know.  

 

As long as there are no serious health issues - like (say) arthritis, frailty, tremors, or one of the other muscular dystrophies - live fire training should be able to advance smoothly.  Oftentimes it’s not just what you say to a student while you’re actively training; a lot of the time it’s what you do NOT say that actually counts the most!  Compare:  

 

This is a 357 Magnum.’  ‘It’s a really powerful cartridge that’ll, probably, take some getting used to; but, what I like about it is that it hits really hard.’  

 

With,  

 

This is a 357 Magnum.’  ‘It’s louder than the 38 Special you’ve been using; and it has a little more recoil; but it’s a caliber you can really trust to keep you safe!’  Both statements say essentially the same thing, just not in the same way.  ;)  


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#14 marand9199

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Posted 20 August 2015 - 01:40 PM

I have seen women, men and teenagers that have never fired a firearm and some that were deathly afraid of them attend a class at Front Sight Academy and take a two day or four day handgun class and walk away completely ecstatic about the whole experience. I am not affiliated in any way with Front Sight but, my personal experience is I took my daughter there and she blew me away with how well she was handling a handgun in just two days. She now wants to get her own.

 

Check out their web site. If you sign up for their email list you will get tons of emails with some great deals on prices. Much cheaper then the list prices on the web site.

You will not find a better training facility IMHO then Front Sight. (and I've been to a few) The instructors are very professional and if you have never handled a firearm before you will get some one on one instruction until your comfortable. Some wives have claimed they were dragged there kicking and screaming by their husbands and ended up have the time of the lives.

 

Check it out...you won't be sorry.  www.frontsight.com



#15 schüler

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Posted 23 August 2015 - 01:40 PM

Need some advice.  My wife finally agreed that our family should get a firearm for protection, she always said I could get one, but I didn't want to until she got on board 100%.  I walked her through how I store it to show her how unlikely it would be for our kids to be able to get it, chamber it, take off the safety, etc.  She feels comfortable having it in the house, but doesn't want to have anything to do with it.  I recently got my CCW and want to start carrying more, but I want to be senstive to her discomfort.  What are some ways I can break my wife in to the idea of owning a gun, using it safely and resposibly, but still having it accessible if worse come to worse?

 

What's her current line of reasoning or thinking?  If you're comfortable with sharing it.



#16 Beja

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Posted 04 April 2016 - 04:22 PM

You could look for a Women on Target clinic near your home.  They are a nice introduction to a range of firearms for new shooters.  The clinics last a day, and allow the women to get some basic exposure to pistols, rifles, and sometimes even skeet and archery.  I've seen a wide range of ages and skill levels attending.  Everything from Girl Scout troops to grandmoms.  Plus, there's usually a free lunch to boot!

 

http://women.nra.org...c-near-you.aspx



#17 B3dlam

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 07:08 PM

Yeah I would definitely see if you can send her shooting with a reputable female shooting group.  As her husband you're likely the worst person to teach her to shoot (No personal experience with that but its what I normally hear from fellow shooters).  They will be able to teach her techniques that will work for her and introduce her to it in an fun non-threatening environment.


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#18 Fivesenenguy

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Posted 06 April 2016 - 09:27 AM

Yeah I would definitely see if you can send her shooting with a reputable female shooting group.  As her husband you're likely the worst person to teach her to shoot (No personal experience with that but its what I normally hear from fellow shooters).  They will be able to teach her techniques that will work for her and introduce her to it in an fun non-threatening environment.

 

with my wife i was the worst person to teach her lol. although i had it easy because she grew up with firearms, but getting rid of bad habits was a litaral "Bitch" lol. i have trained alot of people in my time but nonody as dificult as my wife. now that being said after she took her ccw and was on the range with a reputable female, everything that i had been "preaching" to her finally clicked. and now she dosent mind that the relationship on the range is different than at home. she understands that focus and being aware are key. now to get her more aware and focused away from the range is the next challange. now as far as getting your wife to the range its 50-50. you dont want to bug her to the point where she will loose all curiosity. And believe me she is curios. she just wont admit it lol. try this approch, buy a training video with a women instructor and just watch it. dont tell her to watch it with you, she will naturally have something to say about it. when she starts asking questions answer but also revert to the video. for one it will be good for you to have the video for refreshers and she will gradually take an interest in it and watch to have more questions answered that you will not beable to answer. i gave a good friend this advice, his wife was very anti gun so much so that she would not allow a 22 rifle that his grandfather had givin him to be in the house.after he started this and it took some time she got into it now she is competing in 3-gun lol. another thing I did was introduce my wife to the "fashion" part of ccw and firearms in general and she dove in head first. you would be surprised whats out there for women. anyways theres my two cents hope it helps.


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